I recently signed off from the bizarre world of FaceBook. For those of you who don't know, Facebook is a service which allows you to broadcast to the world important things about yourself including: your favorite books, your political affiliation, and most importantly your relational status. Anyone can search for you, although you have to grant people "friend" status to view your entire profile.
For awhile I thought it was mildly amusing as I tried to acquire as many "friends" as possible. Naturally I couldn't keep up with the college crowd who boasted some two-to-three hundred friends. I was a decently popular guy in college, but even at the height of my quasi-popularity I was not filled with the delusion that I had that many friends.
Then it dawned on me. This tool, while attempting to make life easier and draw people closer, had added one more layer of superficiality to our high-tech world. It allowed people to know me without them ever talking to me. It allowed old friends to stay in touch by "writing on my wall" instead of making a phone call or writing an email (which is another subject altogether).
So I removed myself from this madness. People who know me and want to stay involved in my life will be in regular communication with me via phone, email, or physical interaction. Those who would like to get to know me should not think that finding out I like Star Wars from a website draws them closer to me. Instead they should go through normal channels of relational development to build a friendship. Even a blog should not be used as a substitute for true human interaction, although it often is!
Don't get me wrong - I see the value added in all technologies. I just like to make a strong case for the good ole days. Yes, that's right - the '80s.
4.24.2006
4.17.2006
Don't know? Don't shrug!
I threw my shoulder out of socket. Again. This time it was the shower. Last time I was sleeping soundly in bed, only to have the rudest awakening of my life. There never really is a good time to throw one's shoulder out although if you're going to do it, then it's best to be near an ER room with good anisthesia drugs.
The interesting thing about throwing out your shoulder is that, for a brief period of time at least, you find out what its like to miss a limb. Now granted, I currently have released myself from my sling to write this article, but for the better part of the weekend I have been living life with only one arm to function.
What's been more interesting though is that I've become more aware of my nonverbal communication skills. You see, apparently I shrug my shoulders a lot. This I never knew until I derived great pain from performing the act. Apparently I don't know a lot. But last night, during the midst of dreaming I even shrugged my shoulders, so I must be nonverbally communicating to my subconcious friends. Strange, I know.
Tis all. I'd write more but I am slowly becoming a democrat as I watch the West Wing. However, I was urged to write a post today and I'm making good on that request. Perhaps more inspiring thoughts to come, but for today a trivial expose on my shoulder. And please, if you see me in the next few days...side hugs only please!
The interesting thing about throwing out your shoulder is that, for a brief period of time at least, you find out what its like to miss a limb. Now granted, I currently have released myself from my sling to write this article, but for the better part of the weekend I have been living life with only one arm to function.
What's been more interesting though is that I've become more aware of my nonverbal communication skills. You see, apparently I shrug my shoulders a lot. This I never knew until I derived great pain from performing the act. Apparently I don't know a lot. But last night, during the midst of dreaming I even shrugged my shoulders, so I must be nonverbally communicating to my subconcious friends. Strange, I know.
Tis all. I'd write more but I am slowly becoming a democrat as I watch the West Wing. However, I was urged to write a post today and I'm making good on that request. Perhaps more inspiring thoughts to come, but for today a trivial expose on my shoulder. And please, if you see me in the next few days...side hugs only please!
3.23.2006
The Side Hug
I think its time we eliminate the side hug. Perhaps we should replace it with the enthusiastic high-five.
You see, you have your two types of hugs: full-frontal and side hug. The full-frontal communicates care, concern, and closeness. The side hug seems to say, "Nice to see you...now be on your way." Its almost like the proverbial question of "How are you?" asked merely out of politeness.
Now I realize that the side hug probably started occuring because of two main reasons. First, there was some concern amongst churchfolk that full-frontal hugs could arrouse sexual tension between a man and a woman. It might send mixed signals and confuse both parties, thus we should clearly communicate with perhaps a few pats around the shoulder, "Hey...you're...a...good...friend." Thus we came up with the side hug to avert this all together to show people that we're close, but not that close. The second reason is because somewhere along the way guys were educated to the point that they realized that giving hugs showed they had some degree of emotional depth. However, going in for the real deal posed too much of a threat to their masculinity, so they came up with the side-hug as a worthy compromise.
Here's what I'm proposing. The high-five can send a much stronger message of warmth and concern then a 3-second side hug. So if you can't come to terms with a full-hug, than the high-five will suffice. This would work particularly good on dates that doesn't go as expected. Recently I was on a date and I was given the side-hug. I'm not ignornat, I knew this meant that I was now her new "good friend." Wouldn't it have been such a better story though if we ended on a high five?
You see, you have your two types of hugs: full-frontal and side hug. The full-frontal communicates care, concern, and closeness. The side hug seems to say, "Nice to see you...now be on your way." Its almost like the proverbial question of "How are you?" asked merely out of politeness.
Now I realize that the side hug probably started occuring because of two main reasons. First, there was some concern amongst churchfolk that full-frontal hugs could arrouse sexual tension between a man and a woman. It might send mixed signals and confuse both parties, thus we should clearly communicate with perhaps a few pats around the shoulder, "Hey...you're...a...good...friend." Thus we came up with the side hug to avert this all together to show people that we're close, but not that close. The second reason is because somewhere along the way guys were educated to the point that they realized that giving hugs showed they had some degree of emotional depth. However, going in for the real deal posed too much of a threat to their masculinity, so they came up with the side-hug as a worthy compromise.
Here's what I'm proposing. The high-five can send a much stronger message of warmth and concern then a 3-second side hug. So if you can't come to terms with a full-hug, than the high-five will suffice. This would work particularly good on dates that doesn't go as expected. Recently I was on a date and I was given the side-hug. I'm not ignornat, I knew this meant that I was now her new "good friend." Wouldn't it have been such a better story though if we ended on a high five?
2.04.2006
Not so Enlightened
I love the scientific method. The first time I remember seeing it in motion was when attempting to prove that plants living in sunlight are going to be far better off than plants sitting in my teacher’s closet. The second experience I believe was seeing those very same plants reacting positively to Aerosmith.
Thus from a very early age I was taught that all of my life questions could be solved by this simple five step process. I naturally applied it to everything I came into contact too, including girls.
Then postmodernism stepped in and rocked my world. I suddenly realized that all questions could not be answered by the scientific method. Apparently everything cannot be proven, and the world is not composed of questions that can be tested, proven, and summarized in a nicely packaged theory.
Nowhere has this proven more evident than with dating. I’ve played “the game” horribly and succeeded however briefly and won. I’ve played “the game” great and lost mightily. I’ve watched 10 Ways to Lose a Guy and read Pride and Prejudice and applied my new found knowledge to the female gender only to come up wanting.
I think the thing I’m realizing, and yes I’m a bit late on this one, is that no two situations are the same and you cannot apply a given set of rules to each new person you are interested in or go on a date with. Profound I know. However if you do figure out a fool-proof five-step method, be sure to let me know.
Thus from a very early age I was taught that all of my life questions could be solved by this simple five step process. I naturally applied it to everything I came into contact too, including girls.
Then postmodernism stepped in and rocked my world. I suddenly realized that all questions could not be answered by the scientific method. Apparently everything cannot be proven, and the world is not composed of questions that can be tested, proven, and summarized in a nicely packaged theory.
Nowhere has this proven more evident than with dating. I’ve played “the game” horribly and succeeded however briefly and won. I’ve played “the game” great and lost mightily. I’ve watched 10 Ways to Lose a Guy and read Pride and Prejudice and applied my new found knowledge to the female gender only to come up wanting.
I think the thing I’m realizing, and yes I’m a bit late on this one, is that no two situations are the same and you cannot apply a given set of rules to each new person you are interested in or go on a date with. Profound I know. However if you do figure out a fool-proof five-step method, be sure to let me know.
1.07.2006
Why Jesus Didn't Date: The Super-Hero Conundrum
Note: The following is not in the least bit to be regarded as a theological exegesis on the life of Christ. It is merely a humorous idea that popped in my head while taking a shower. Ideas like this are probably what will get me kicked out of the OC Grad Bible program.
Many a times when discussing dating with friends, or perusing literature on the subject matter, the question arises, “Why don’t we have Biblical examples of Jesus dating? He’s supposed to have gone through everything we have but he sure missed the boat on this issue!” Certainly the omission of what was going on in his life between twelve and thirty does lead one to wonder that he might have hit the local galleria a time or two with a beautiful Jewish woman.
After watching many movies involving super-heroes, and namely Batman and Spider-Man come to mind, I think the answer is pretty clear. If you are going to be a super-hero, and let’s face it, Jesus is the apex of super-heros, then you have to make some sacrifices. The reason often given is the danger and potential life sacrifice involved in saving the world, and typically the hero knows that its not good to get emotionally attached for fear of either than person being held hostage in each subsequent sequel or for fear of not being able to make the necessary sacrifices for mankind when its time to save the world.
We can easily see how Jesus, who had prophecy after prophecy predicting his demise for the salvation of the world, could see this as a slight relationship hazard. How could you start a family knowing that at the ripe age of thirty-three you would be ridiculed and eventually hung up on a cross? That would not be easy to explain to his three year old.
Now thankfully what Jesus did give us was a perfect example of how we should interact with others. Granted there are a few family interaction techniques I would probably avoid amongst the Blackwell clan. Not to say that I haven’t tried the line a few times on my family, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” The pursuant Christmas wasn’t quite as white as the previous.
No, Jesus actually does teach us in his interactions with all of mankind how to deal lovingly with people, and that includes those we date. And I’m a bit thankful that there aren’t explicit rules from him that go something like, “Thou shalt only give a hug on the first date.” Not that I would be worried about eternal condemnation if that were a rule.
Many a times when discussing dating with friends, or perusing literature on the subject matter, the question arises, “Why don’t we have Biblical examples of Jesus dating? He’s supposed to have gone through everything we have but he sure missed the boat on this issue!” Certainly the omission of what was going on in his life between twelve and thirty does lead one to wonder that he might have hit the local galleria a time or two with a beautiful Jewish woman.
After watching many movies involving super-heroes, and namely Batman and Spider-Man come to mind, I think the answer is pretty clear. If you are going to be a super-hero, and let’s face it, Jesus is the apex of super-heros, then you have to make some sacrifices. The reason often given is the danger and potential life sacrifice involved in saving the world, and typically the hero knows that its not good to get emotionally attached for fear of either than person being held hostage in each subsequent sequel or for fear of not being able to make the necessary sacrifices for mankind when its time to save the world.
We can easily see how Jesus, who had prophecy after prophecy predicting his demise for the salvation of the world, could see this as a slight relationship hazard. How could you start a family knowing that at the ripe age of thirty-three you would be ridiculed and eventually hung up on a cross? That would not be easy to explain to his three year old.
Now thankfully what Jesus did give us was a perfect example of how we should interact with others. Granted there are a few family interaction techniques I would probably avoid amongst the Blackwell clan. Not to say that I haven’t tried the line a few times on my family, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” The pursuant Christmas wasn’t quite as white as the previous.
No, Jesus actually does teach us in his interactions with all of mankind how to deal lovingly with people, and that includes those we date. And I’m a bit thankful that there aren’t explicit rules from him that go something like, “Thou shalt only give a hug on the first date.” Not that I would be worried about eternal condemnation if that were a rule.
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