Clear and Present Danger

After a fulfilling and educational class of reciting/yelling the numbers 1-12 to first grade students, I long to reach the teachers office where I can have a few minutes of solace before we begin practicing pronouncing fruits in my next class. However, to get back to the office and rest I must first escape the classroom. This is a clear and present danger which I am now aware of.

First I must get out the door. The classrooms at my school have sliding doors. Today I thought to myself, perhaps if I only give a narrow opening in the door then they won`t be able to follow. Sounded reasonable except for the fact that I didn`t realize that they would just all collapse in mass hysteria and laughter at this technique. However, now I`m out the door and as a result of my failed attempt I`m surrounded en mass by twenty students. I am getting hugged in all directions, conchoed* in all sensitive areas of my body and fearfully I fight the possibility of falling to the floor (which actually happened last week).

Alas! I break free! Using all of my former running technique I sprint, yes literally sprint, for the teachers room. But the little rascals have already thought of this possibility and now they have somehow magically formed a multi-tiered attack. The first wave stops me twenty feet from where I just escaped. The numbers aren`t quite as strong and I only have to fight off five screaming children. After breaking free I hit the second wave which comes kamikaze style at me. Thankfully this wave is weaker and I am beginning to believe there is hope! I escape and now its students flying in from all directions, mass chaos has ensued and it looks like I might be victorious and even get to sit down for one minute as their plan is beginning to fail. Once I`m finally in sight of the teachers room the fear of Koucho-Sensei (the principle) strikes them and they decide to join ranks with me and hold my hand the rest of the way back.

Yet another victory for this crazy gaijin (foreigner)!

Please note: If you have any good solutions to escaping such a well coordinated attack, please let me know!

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*concho (v), pron. kan-cho

1. An Ancient Japanese form of torturing AETs. To be effective, place both hands together in the form of a gun and extend forward aiming for sensei`s derriere.
2. Another effective method is to aim for the sensei`s frontal regions.

Example: You won't believe how many times I conchoed Blake-Sensei today.