Wooing the Ladies with the English Language

Language took on a whole new dimension once I went to Japan. I now can almost visually see words and sentences coming together, much as if I was regularly partaking of LSD. I also had plenty of downtime while waiting to go to work, so I read some fairly decent novels including Brothers Karamazov and Great Expectations. Both of these books convinced me that peasants in Russia and England respectively have far greater vocabularies then I do, not to mention a firm grasp on poetry and being bi or trilingual to boot.

So anyways, in an attempt to advance myself, or at least prepare for the GRE, I attempt to use the best possible word I can muster when ever talking to someone. Generally this probably makes me look like I am a bit slow rather than remarkably brilliant, but perhaps diction proficiency only improves with time.

This got me to wondering, at 5:45 this morning, does this impress females? Will I be able to woo them with my firm grasp of vernacular? In a time of sadness would they rather hear "I am so sorry" or would they be much better soothed with words like, "Woe is you in this hour of dark despair." Personally the latter would send me in the throes of the dashing young gentleman who used such words, but alas, I am not female and certainly not Lizza Bennett.

Ladies, please, provide me with some insight into your minds so I will know how better to sweep you off your feet!


alayna said...

Well, friend, while I admire your desire to cultivate your vocabulary and communication skills I must deter you from allowing "lady-wooing" to be a major motive. An impressive six-syllable arsenal might be advantageous for political debates, a discussion on current events, or scholarly chats but communicating empathy only requires sincerity. As for Eliza Bennett, recall that her love was kindled not by Darcy's words but by his actions, the proof of his character and selflessness.

Buona fortuna!

alayna said...

By the way, I started a blog today. Thought you might like to know.

Gabe said...

Words, Smurds. I've been thinking of taking a vow of silence, as well as vow of poverty. Where's the nearest monastary? I'm gonna become celibiate. ;)

Peter Rice said...

Blakewell, while I've only succeeded in passing myself off as a woman in one or two circles--and extremely liberal ones at that--I'm gonna go ahead and throw a thought or two out into the mix.

As long as you fall solidly somewhere in the middle of the Bell Curve on vocab, when it comes to intimate moments, most girls probably don't particularly care what you say as much as what you do and what you mean (as Alayna said). If wooing girls through words alone is your intent, your best bet is probably to learn French, Portuguese, Spanish, or Italian. Then you can say almost anything you want.

But on the other hand, girls do like guys who can express themselves well in the public forum--public speaking, day-to-day communication, etc. A broad, well-mastered vocab certainly helps in this arena.

Lastly, as you said, a big vocab is mandatory for success on the GRE, and we all know how weak-kneed women get over broad-shouldered, six packs of square-jawed-type standardized test scores.

Peace, man. I look forward to the next time I meet up with your linguistically beefed-up self.

lacey lukasiewicz said...

Welp one-time-neighbor I have to say I agree with alayna. She hit the mark. As long as you have a sincere heart behind the words, you're just as well-off speaking with a down-to-earth vocabulary. If the guy I'm dating is giving a speech then I'll be excited just listening to his wide vocabulary at work. BUT put him on my couch while he's comforting me in a time of need and he better loose the dictionary.

Liz said...

Already just your musings about vocabulary have gotten both Gabe AND Peter to be fairly self-incriminating... you're well on your way to mastery my friend!
I'll echo the ladies on this one. Aim for learning the lingo equally with the timing of it. However, I urge you to be cautious in wielding your new wooing weapon-- no lass can resist a sweet talking smarty (who also happens to be a runner and a genuinely nice guy). Women of the world beware!

Some guy said...

I think that women respond more to physical and verbal cues combined. In a recent sermon, Kent Allen advised men to say comforting things and hug their wives for no less than 20 seconds (and kiss for no less than 10 seconds). That's good advice.

I found out the hard way, however, that this doesn't work if you count out loud.

Joy said...

I have to admit, I have never been able to resist a guy with a large vocabulary. There is nothing more attractive than a guy who speaks well in and out of a public forum. I know you have enough sense not to use words that require the help of my great friend Webster to interpret in an intimate moment when a girl is crying on your shoulder or another comparable situation. The only caution in using big words around the ladies is making sure you aren't just full of empty rhetoric.

I think you should try this approach after your boldness experiment. If it doesn't work, what a FABULOUS chapter in your book it would make. It would surely be the longest and most humerous chapter in the book!

Stephen Bell said...

The way I figure it, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You just need to ascertain which variety of fish you would like and utilize the corresponding type of bait.

Sometimes fish like weird, smelly things, and go after the wrong fishermen. Fish are crazy.

Well, that analogy went too far.

LB said...

I think anyone, friend or boyfriend with a big enough vacabulary to carry on a conversation is desirable..It's sad that that is true, but the art of conversation is lost on some.
The point of conversation is to understand and to be understood. As long as ego(an ego defined by how large word usage is) doesn't become bigger than the purpose of your conversations, vocabulary can only enhance this art and make you more attractive to a woman.

Court said...

On one hand, I feel I should jump on the ladies' bandwagon here and tell you to toss the large vocabulary....

However, I must admit that if I were miserable, and my guy put his arm around me and said, "Woe is you in this hour of dark despair," it would send me into gales of laughter that would definitely cheer me up.


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