I've never been really comfortable with emotions. I'm aware I have them. I'm aware I have a lot of them. But they always seem to get in the way. They seem to cause me to be irrational and illogical in my behavior. And I don't like that. Unless I'm terribly enthusiastic about something (which I know you all find hard to believe), and then I'm ok with it.
And so I find myself confused with the spiritual highs and lows I seem to go through. My spiritual life seems highly emotional. Now, granted, I also feel like my faith is firmly rooted in prayer and plenty of time in God's word, among other spiritual disciplines, but I can't begin to describe the highs and lows my faith has gone through over the past year. Past two years. Past five years.
You see, right now is a point that I really like being a Christian. I am hopeful about God's church, His plan, and His people. In fact, I like being a Christian so much that I really think that it's the best thing for people to be. That shouldn't be surprising - that's what we're supposed to think.
But I know, because experience seems to bear this out, in a few days or a few weeks that will change. And I don't like that. Why is my faith full of such seemingly bipolar mood swings? How do I find some level plains instead of valleys and mountaintops.
I'm not sure - I realize God's spirit is a dynamic and fluid thing in my life. I realize that not having emotion is a little silly. It never works for me when I totally disengage emotionally. I guess I'll have to keep figuring it out - not everything is a mathematical formula. Tis a shame.