Frivilous Conversation

I am a guy. Every day I learn that this is an indisputable fact. When I was in college I had the mistaken misconception about myself that I was sensitive. Perhaps even warm and caring. I shed a tear in Where the Red Fern Grows and my heart skipped a few beats when watching Notting Hill. But don't let my tender facade fool you. I am a guy.

I realized this tonight when talking to my dear friend Alayna. I enjoy talking to Alayna because usually I don't have to say much. She will discuss the erratic driving patterns of the person in front of her, or the fact that she is cooking chicken for dinner. This kind of conversation amazes me.

A few months ago one of my friends told me that she felt like every conversation with me had to be about something. That she always had to think when talking to me. This really bothered me, and I didn't exactly understand why she felt that way. I thought I was a relatively enjoyable person to talk to.

But lately I've been starting to understand. Random, light-hearted, dare I say frivilous conversation has real value. Discussing the minute, seemingly trivial details of life has purpose. Why it is important for someone to know that I had a frozen dinner tonight has been beyond me till this point. That is not something that furthers someone's understanding about me, or furthers our mutual understanding of the world. But...but...it is important!

Because good friendship is a running dialogue. A shared history of months, even years, of ongoing dialogue that builds upon itself. I had always realized this in terms of humour, and had often used it to my advantage by relying on people's memories of shared events. But I think I had forgotten, especially since college when my life became more autonomous, that regular conversation is good and valuable.

So here's to more "important" trivial conversations! Now I just got to come up with a reason to call you...


Kari said...

my mom called today to tell me that my dad lost his golf cart to the muddy shores of a pond at the country club on sunday. he got a local resident to help him pull it out so he could finish his round before taking the cart back to the clubhouse to inform them that the parking brake was faulty.

and every time i talk to my brother, we either talk about poop or food. for often no less than 45 minutes at a time.

some might call it frivilous.
i call it the fabric of our lives.

alayna said...

So... I have been thinking about seemingly frivolous conversations and why they are important... Firstly, I think that my head would explore if I were constantly focused on the "important" things happening in my life. The "frivolous" conversation is a nice break from that. Secondly, I think that sharing the little things in our lives allows us to become comfortable sharing the big things. It kind of helps people become comfortable with one another... And you're more likely to hear what's on the back burners, simmering in my heart and mind after some "warm up" conversation. Those are the last-all-night-around-the-kitchen-table conversations when you just might take a dive in to some heavy philosophy or religious subjects. This is one of the reasons I love the trips my girls take to Mexico... the relaxed atmosphere and informality permits us to just laps in to those subjects without ceremony.

Maddux said...

Frivilous conversation is something that I've never really like nor been very good at, but it is something that I need to become better at. Shooting the breeze is an important aspect of many relationships, especially in the work place!