The last couple of blogs have been a myriad of frustration, despondency, and sadness. I seemed to have lost my anchor, my rock of refuge. However today, for reasons unknown, I finally realized that in large part these problems were due to my lack of trust in God.
I was reminded today as I read the Psalms (particularly Psalm 71, 77, 86) that God is there in the darkest and deepest of times. God has a much better outlook on our lives and on the events that have occurred then we do, because He is the creator and sustainer of this universe. I also realized that He will take care of me and that if I trust in Him, my life will be put to good use.
Its hard for me to remember that at a times. I'm a person who likes to be used, who likes to be active all of the time. If a few hours are spent not doing anything I generally feel slothful. Yet God is using this time as I wait and search for work, as I think about my life goals and aspirations, for a variety of reasons that are sometimes hard to see. I get to spend time with my dad and have meaningful discussions about the loss of mom, or just to help him paint a room. I get to spend time to reflect on the loss and what a good life she lived. I get a chance to grow in my dependency on God.
And so I will once again be thankful and praise God. He is in control. I am not. Believing that is easy in times of plenty and in times of great joy; believing it in times of sorrow and uncertainty however is when God is truely testing us and helping us to grow.
So I apologize for giving up and the despair displayed in those prior posts. However, God continues to work on all of us and all we can do is put our hope in Him. I will close with a song that I really like:
by: Michael W. Smith
Sometimes the journey makes you weary
Feels like a long and winding road
Sometimes this life can lose it's meaning
But you might be surprised to find some hope
Maybe you're wondering where love is
You may feel it's far away from here
Maybe you're wondering where I am
You might be surprised to find I'm near
And when your life is tossed and turning
And your on the raging sea
I'll come and pull you from the water
Then you will know that you are free
So if you're stumbling through the valley
Or if you're tempted to give up the fight
Reach out your hand and I will lead you
I will be your strong arm in the night